


A Death that Rings

by Mersayde



Series: My Darlings [1]
Category: Growing A Sun
Genre: Heavy Angst, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unresolved Emotional Tension, unknown cause of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-26 07:30:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9873422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersayde/pseuds/Mersayde
Summary: There's two sides to every phone call.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is not canon.

_If he doesn't answer this time I swear to g-_

"Tera where are you?! You were supposed to be here already!" Gabe's child-like squeal was music to her ears. Maybe she shouldn't be so mad, she'll miss this. It's not fair, she knows, but things don't work that way; _life_ doesn't work that way.

"Sorry Gabe. Got a little held up at work. I'll be there, I promise." She knows better than to make promises she can't keep, but it's far too late for that. They'll be mad when whichever unlucky idiot finds her. They'll probably call the cops, if they care enough, and it'll be over the local news. Who knew she would be another face, on a broken screen, with apathetic voices talking about their perceptions of her life.

"Your ugly ass better get here within the next fifteen minutes or I'll kill you myself. You fuckin' dork, you can't be fashionably late on _**my**_ birthday. On all the goddamn days to be inconsiderate!" Even with all that gently placed anger behind his voice Tera can't help but chuckle. As pathetic as it was, as sad as it was, she was glad in her last moments she got to hear it. All of the familiarity they've built together over the years. The love. The friendship. And _fuck_ , she'll miss it. _Miss it **all**_. And she can't help that lonely tear that slides down her cheeks nor can she help the choked sob that comes out of her mouth.

 _Shit_.

"Are you ok?"

No. Nothing was ok, but how could she tell him that- them both- that nothing would ever be ok? That her world would never stop tilting? 

"Gabe! Jeez, don't hog the phone! I want to talk to Tera too!"

_Ezra._

"God, you're such a baby! She isn't going anywhere you can talk to her _later!_ " Gabe is stingy when it comes to attention.

"You're both babies, stop being mean to Ez-Ya know what? Put me on speaker. Everybody wins." She swears they're the most intolerable children she's ever met.

She'll miss Ez too and knows he won't handle this well. _Jesus_. Oh fuck. He's going to _drown_ and she hopes, if her life ever meant anything, that he won't shut down completely, that he can move on. But that bitter, logical side of her knows she's hoping for too much. She remembers when he told her about his mom, and how that night she held him as the baby he seemed to be and both of them realized how grateful they were for each other. Ez weaseled his way into her heart and shoved Gabe aside to make room. And Ez just had empty space, so logically Tera renovated. She built a heart up around herself and settled in. They meant so much to each other.Too much to each other. She was all the calm he had left. 

She wishes she could see him grow. Watch him fulfill his dreams to touch the stars, because Ez isn't a quitter, and he's very passionate. She wants to see him fall in love for the first time and break the bastard’s neck if they break his heart, or at least threaten to. She wants to see him finally happy. Truly happy, in his own right and _god_. **_It hurts_**. Its hurts so goddamn much. Knowing you'll hurt the ones you love the most, that you'll never get to see them again. And everything is slowly going numb. She can't feel the clamminess in her fingertips anymore.

She knows that Ez won't cry at the funeral, or whatever shit basket gathering they'll throw together for her. He'll just slowly pick away at himself until there's nothing left of him, until everyone realizes that he's too far gone to help.

"Ez, I love you. _Ok_? I love you _so much!_ And Gabe, I love you too, you _fucking loser_. Remember that for me, ok? Both of you! Don't you ever think for a second that you two aren't important to me. You're my two favorite people and you guys make me so _happy_." Tera was crying now, full blown crying. And shit she's in _pain_ , but she can't tell if she's actually feeling it or just remembering it.

"Jesus... T?" It’s Ez, and his voice is so soft and she'll never get to hear it again, not when they talk about random things because neither can find sleep. Not when he insults her or throws one of his famous tantrums or- "Are you drunk? You only get sappy when you're drunk. Are you ok?"

"Nooo _faaaiiir!_ No getting drunk without _me_ on _my_ birthday!" Gabe's such a whiner, and incredibly emotional when is comes to Tera. But she can't find the energy to pretend to be annoyed.

“Happy birthday, Gabe. You're the most annoying best friend I've ever had and I wouldn't change a thing about you. 'M happy that you spilled those chemicals on me in high school, you clumsy fuck." She was crying and smiling and her throats closing in more and more as the time ticked, but she'll keep fighting it for as long as she can.

"You're making Gabe ugly cry! We love you too, you dirty street rat. Now can you please get your drunk ass over here?!"

"Yeah, I'm coming. I'm just tired." And you could hear it in her voice. How it dropped. How it never seemed to hold any truth. Ez was concerned, and Gabe was trying to subdue his emotions .

"Oh?" Maybe she just needs some sleep? Ez thought.

"I'm ok Ez, I swear." She shouldn't have lied. She should've called the police. Maybe she would still be alive. Little did she know Ez would shout how stupid she was while breaking hospital property. That she's _'shit at keeping promises!'_. That it would take a couple of nurses to get him to settle down, to stop screaming. He would look at Tera until he cried, until he shook, until his eyes felt heavier than his heart, until the image of her lifeless body was etched into his memory.

Little did she know Gabe would stare at his phone after he left that damned hospital, never uttering a single word. He had never been this quiet, but he couldn't take his mind off of their last conversation. How they knew something was off, _they **knew**_ , but were too busy enjoying themselves to do anything about it. They were laughing until they could barely breathe, while Tera _couldn't breathe at all_. And why hadn't she called the police? Why hadn't she tried to get help? And-

She knew she would leave a hole where she had been but she didn't know how big it would get. She wouldn't know that Ez, so lost in his own world, started to see her from time to time. His mom too. That he would cry himself to sleep every night, and silenced himself inside that gaping black hole that she left behind until he realized he couldn't get out. That Gabe barely slept at all, having a starring role in his most gruesomely vivid nightmare was the reason for that. Tera's screams for help that never existed, haunted him every time he closed his eyes.

She didn't know that the day of the funeral ( which was heart achingly _beautiful and close and personal)_ would be the last day Gabe and Ez talked. Gabe tried to reach out, tried to find him, but would just sit waiting, staring at the empty chair across from him at the coffee place they all used to love. Last he heard from Ez was from a text:

**We should move on. Don't look for me anymore.**

She thought Gabe would be better. She didn't think he would be so concerningly thin that his parents forced him to move back in with them. It didn't take much persuasion, Gabe barely talked now a days and didn't have the strength to refuse. He looked like the skeleton he felt. Looked like he'd lost something more than just pounds. He did and he couldn't bring himself to gain anything back. They had been each other's strength, the one thing to hold the other down when they wanted to jump off the edge. The only ones they could lean on and trust without hesitation. But what was he supposed to do? Now that he didn't have anything to hold him back? To keep him from jumping off that edge? She didn't know she would affect them this way. She thought they would get closer, get better. For her sake. At least.

“So, how does it feel to be twen-" She struggled to start.

"It feels like someone took a malfunctioning chain saw and shoved it up my ass." He rushed out with a sniffle. "Because you're not here with us, so hurry up!" _How is that different from any of your one night stands?_ , she wanted to add. But didn't, not being able to deny the sentiment hidden beneath his snarkiness. Damn, how sweet.

"Ok ok, you're so grumpy." Tera coughed, and coughed and coughed. And was that blood? That rusty taste settling in her mouth.

She blinked slowly, listening to Gabe telling her she needs to eat more vitamins and that Ez'll make her some soup. Ez curses at her to get there before it gets cold. He's such a mother hen. But Tera loves it, loves that they care about her enough to make her soup. It's small, but she's dying and wants to enjoy the small things. Kind of has to, in a way. She doesn't know what to say. Doesn't know how to tell them she's dying, how to tell them she'll miss them more than the sun misses the moon during the breaks in seasons. Or how she'll miss the way Gabe's nostrils flare when he's lying about not eating her food, because _'he's watching his figure.'_ She'll miss the way she ruffles Ez's soft curls gently, trying to get him to calm down after a bad episode, and how he pretends he doesn't need it. She doesn't know how to squeeze all of her love on to them in the short amount of time she has left. She doesn't even know how to tell them not to fret over the soup, because it'll definitely be cold before she reaches it. She'll be cold before she reaches it. Who is she kidding? She won't ever reach it. And the soup is left chilled and forgotten.

"Gabby, make me laugh," Tera more so demands than asks. She wants to feel warm. Her fingers are numb and her lips are cold and her eyelids are heavy and she just wants to laugh _one_ last time.

She realizes that she's never been inspired by anything. That she'll never know her purpose in life. Never know what type of people her real parents were. Never know heartbreaking answers to questions she would never ask, for things she would never experience. That she would never know about the beautiful things that made life better. That made poets write with eloquence, or musicians play with passion. Won't ever understand why artist are so indulged into the world around them that everything they create has meaning and is a testament to things that she'll never understand. Because she's dying. And dead people don't feel or dream or have futures or second chances. 

"Fuck you, T. You make me cry and then ask for my tremendous comedy? Nope." He states sassily. He caved though, he always does, and told her one. She couldn't do anything but laugh at it, at everything. The terribly lame joke. Gabe. Ez. Her pathetically meaningless life. She laughed at how unfair it all was. She never expected to die this way.

There's _so much_ blood. 

_Dripping_. _Oozing_ out of places she can't seem to remember, can't remember _why_. But it must be important for it to make this much of a mess. She remembers trying to stop it at one point, but gave up. And dialed, with blood covered fingers, Gabe’s number. She knew she wouldn't make it. There was too much blood. 

_So much blood._

"You need to stop enabling Gabe, he's enough of a spoiled brat. Now he's gonna think it's ok to torture the rest of us with his piss poor sense of humor for god knows how long and I don't have enough resolve to deal with it. Anyway, are you close?"

 _Close? Where am I supposed to be again?_ She can't remember. Everything is blurring at the edges.

"Yeah Ez, I'm close." She sighs, as exhaustion settles into her system. "Close your eyes and count to three. And **poof** I'll be there." Tera sounded like she was whispering now. They thought it was because of the game, but her throat was causing her too much pain. Her body was shutting down. She wonders how long before her heart stops, before she stops breathing. Before _she stops_ all together.

"Tera, stop fooling around. We haven't done that since I was thirteen." He scoffs, and worriedly adds, "You can stop crying, ok? I'll even give you a hug when you get here. A big one too, to make the moon jealous." He shouldn't say such sweet things to her when she's so desperately clinging on like this. 

_I'm sorry Ez._

For once, she found herself wanting to live. To, for once, not disappoint the people she worked so hard to love. To accept. 

"Yeah T, hurry up and get here!"

_I'm sorry Gabe._

**One,**

No one ever explained to her what dying felt like. Never described the empty understandings and confusing numbness that spreads everywhere, that consumes you. People -more so movies- tell you, that when you die your life flashes before your eyes.

 _That must be an inside joke only dead people know,_ Tera thinks.

Because her life isn't flashing before her eyes, not even the courtesy of a highlight reel. (Which, in her words, is bullshit.) There was no blinding white light that enveloped her with warmth. There's only the cold regret of decisions she would never make, that feeling of _dread_ , of _incompleteness_ , as darkness creeped its way into the corners of her eyes.

**Two,**

Her eyelids fluttered shut as her head dropped. This must be it. 

And is she counting out loud or in her head? She doesn't know.

She thought they were going to find out on the news, but she didn't know they were going to go looking for her after the line went silent. Didn't know that they would be that worried. That Ez would see with his own two eyes, for the _second_ time, someone he _loved_ , _dead._ And _shit_ ,she wants to be there to say sorry, but sorry is too small for something like this.

She didn't know that after that, Ez tried to resuscitate her until the ambulance came, didn't stop until they pulled him off of her because _'No, she's not dead! She can't be!'_ And that Gabe tried to clean up all the blood in a panicked haze. She didn’t know that Gabe sees her blood on his hands all the time, and washes them until _he_ bleeds. Or that Ez talks to **her every day**. She didn't know her last breath would be so painful, so _pathetic_. She didn’t know that her life would end so meaninglessly. She didn't know she would be the one to break them down as much as she built them up. That they would die with her, parts of themselves locked away in that endlessly shallow grave. She didn't know that they _ached_ in the days they heard her voice and laughter and excited cheers, but couldn't find her in the hours they searched, couldn't find her in that deceiving puddle of memories. She didn't know that the tears that stained her cheeks would stain _theirs_. Damnit! She _didn't know!_ But how could she have known? That they would forget that her life _meant something._ But never **_forgot her._**

In her last breaths, she realized she didn’t know a lot of things, that she never will. She wasn’t okay with that, wasn’t okay with _this_. But she had to be. So, she _did_.

**Three.**

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: write about a character dying. I'm using my (kind of developed) OC's in this piece. Ya know it's good creative exercise. Hopefully I'll get a better feel for my characters and their voices and come back and re-edit this. But for now it is what is it.
> 
> Question: How do you guys think Tera died?
> 
> PS. Ez and Tera have this really cute saying about making the moon jealous when they hug, because Ez compares Tera to the sun a lot and he says it makes the moon jealous when he gets to hug the sun all day. Can you tell that Ez is a disgustingly adorable space nerd? *cough cough*


End file.
